All my thoughts about this week, thus far in one long post. Again, it’s a long post basically for my benefit.

Monday: I forced myself to go to bed a 3AM Sunday night. What I really wanted to do was work on my music video. The one that’s due in 2 weeks. The one I plan to send to the band via Twitter (since it’s required I post it on the internet anyway). The one that I decided to re do the artwork for 9 weeks after being assigned the damn thing. I’m really happy with the way it looks. I just hope it continues in this direction and that the animation will turn out killer.

The professor in my second class asked one of my fellow classmates the holes on a blowup doll and what they look like (she plans to deflate one and use it as her book cover for a class project). I was reminded, yet again, that I do in fact go to art school.

Calc was crap. I did better on my test, but still didn’t get a grade I liked. I was also one of the three students who stayed for the entire 3 hour class. We started off with 9 and 6 left during the break, never to return again. I feel sorry for my professor which is part of the reason why I don’t leave too even though I really, REALLY want to. 

In effort to satisfy a random craving for soft serve, I walked for blocks looking for a Baskin Robbins, a Carvel or any type of ice cream parlor. No luck. I settled for a Snickers ice cream bar and felt really awkward eating it on the way the way home. I was in a neighborhood filled with gay men and for some reason, that made me super aware that I was eating a phallic shaped item. Keep in mind I’m a girl, surrounded by gay guys, eating an ice cream bar in a normal, non sexy way. I have issues.

I spend Monday night working on my layouts for the next day. I didn’t goof off and managed to go to bed before 4AM. Woke up the next day, printed and cut my stuff and walked into class 8 minutes late. Thankfully my roommate was with me so I wasn’t the only one. 

Presentation went well. I was super proud of my layouts and impressed my teacher and her look alike, graphic designer friend. Caught the kid with the nice eyes looking at me several times that day. My high school self kept reading it as a sign that he’s thinking about me but my college self knows I’m reading into it and he was probably just reacting to me looking in his general direction (not in a purposeful “I like you so I’m going to stare at you” way, but when we present, it’s around a table and I either have to look to the left, where he is, or ahead of me in order to see anything). I was reminded of the friendly conversation we had last week and how weird I felt seeing him as I walked out of the health and counseling center a few days later:

Him: “Hey, you not feeling well?”

Me: “Yeah, but that’s not why I was in there.” 

Thank goodness I had to head off to class because if we ended up in the elevator together, I would’ve revealed that I just spoke to a therapist and he and I are not even close to being on that level yet. My roommates don’t even know and I live with them.

I left class early because of a work thing. It was an award ceremony involving kids and every time a kid got up to accept their award or to speak, I felt myself tearing up. I wonder when I became so emotional. I’m 19, and I’m tearing up when I watch kids I don’t even know accept awards that are not even super special. Time in the office was good though. Spent the time talking with my co-workers about life which is always nice.

I applied for the art director position for the campus magazine again. Hopefully this time I can actually make it to the interview (seeing that the issue I had the last time I applied, is no longer an issue). I’m hoping it works out, but I won’t be super disappointed if it doesn’t. I’m part of the class next semester anyway so I’ll still be part of the team.

I saw a friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time. We used to hang out more often but then our school work got in the way. I was worried that the time apart would seriously affect the relationship but she’s just as friendly as always which is good. We’ll catch up once the semester ends. I also need to make friends with graphic designers because as of right now the only people I’m close with within my major are illustrators.

Tuesday night was a mess.  I decided to quit working at 4:30AM and catch up on sleep (a total of 5 hours. Yay me.) I woke up this morning to finish whatever I could and forced myself to go to class. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

I was supposed to work on my paper, and I started to but then decided to nap. I knew I wasn’t going to get anything done if I was so tired. I went to the lab to finish my silkscreening prints for tomorrow and completed everything in 2 hours instead of the estimated 3. I’m not okay with the prints though. They looked beautiful until I added the last 2 colors. Thankfully I saved a 2 color print before I ruined it too.

I should be working on my paper, but I’m going to sleep. I picked the two pieces I want to compare and tomorrow I’m going straight to the library after my classes so that I don’t get sucked into being lazy in my room.

I should be stressed, but I’m not. I’m not thinking about school or, more accurately, I’m not feeling anything about school. I’ve become a machine of sorts. Just running through the motions. It’s weird. Very weird.