10:43 PM

Tears of frustration sprung to my eyes, clinging for dear life at the edge of my eyelids.

This can’t be happening right now. This can’t be happening.

“And then when Sunday comes and I think ‘Ugh, she comes back today’”.

10:47 PM

I have to actively try not to get up and confront her right now. This is not the time, nor the place and I’m livid so I won’t be talking in a mature manner, I will be shouting. Also, I might slap her and that’s a big no no.

I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to my mother. No, she’ll probably be sleeping. Okay, BIFFLE, I’ll text her. No. It will take to long. I need someone now.

10:59 PM

Check for FB activity to make sure he’s awake. Pop a couple of mints. Make sure I look decent. I’m really going to do this.

11:00 PM

(knock knock)

He opens the door. “Hey what’s goin’ on?”

He’s shirtless. My RA is shirtless. Pixar would love this story. Too bad I can’t tell her. Oh God, his girlfriend is over isn’t she? She may think I’m flirting with him since I say hello more often than not. No. You’ve made it this far, ask him.

“Hey, are you busy? I just need someone to talk to. A wall. Just a wall.”

11:02 PM 

We’re sitting on his floor now. His girlfriend wasn’t there. I’m semi aware that the lighting is dim, I just saw his bare chest and that this is the first time I’ve ever had a conversation with a boy in his room this late at night.  Funny though how even though I think he’s attractive, I never broke eye contact with him to check him out.  I didn’t really focus on him or the environment like I would normally do in this type of situation. I really just wanted someone to talk to and he is literally the only person on campus I could turn to (since Pixar is not around).

11:04 PM

I start talking. I pause for a second and notice that I am shaking. I am literally shaking from nerves or frustration or whatever.  Do you know how long it’s been since that’s happened? I focus on sharing what needs to be shared clearly and without coming across as rude or irrational.  Somewhere in my brain the thought “he thinks you’re sweet” floated around and even though I’m coming to him as an RA right now, I don’t want to taint that image. He won’t be my RA forever and that Biggie poster on his wall suggests we have the potential to be friends.

11:10 PM

He is my RA.  I just told my RA I have issues with the people I’m living with and he has the potential of taking it to a level where everyone will know I have issues with Vladimir. Fuck, what have I done.

11:42 PM

“I understand you don’t want to get involved.  Ask her [Pixar] to come talk to me. By doing so, you’ll be taken out of the situation in a way.”

Pixar will love that. “Oh hey, the RA wants to talk to you.” I don’t know what he’ll tell her, I don’t want her to know what went on.  I don’t want her to feel like we all talk about her when she’s not around because I don’t.  As far as Vladimir knows, I know nothing about this whole moving thing and her issues with Pixar.

The last time I was this angry at someone I was 11. 

Tomorrow the first thing I’ll do is call my mother so she can tell me that Vladimir is a rude and I should not stress out about this.